New Year's Eves of the 2010s, at least what I can remember

I saw in the last new decade at the worst New Year’s Eve party of all time. I lived in the Caribbean. I got free tickets to it. 

It was a man with a terrible band playing terrible songs and occasionally firing off a gun for some reason.

Apparently in the 1980s he was something to see, this bloke, and used to also have tigers on stage. Real tigers.

We live in more enlightened times. Except for the gun bit.

And the bubbles were lukewarm, some kind of Chilean cheap shit that made us feel absolutely nauseous even whilst we tried to get drunk so we could at least take the piss.

It made us tired and crotchety and crabby.

I think the following few years we probably stayed at home. In 2011 and 2012 we watched the fireworks from our balcony, which was 50 yards from the Caribbean sea, and 10 yards from a swim-up bar which was our local pub. By 2013 we’d moved to Dolphin Apartments, even closer to the Caribbean sea, and a smart little flat with our two now-permanent little rescue cats.

At some stage someone broke in and stole 100 bucks out of my wallet. I’m not sure, cause I can’t tell for certain, but in the morning we couldn’t find the kittens. They were cowering under a nearby bush, so had gotten out somehow. I shat myself thinking they were gone. Yes, they get under your skin don’t they. Little buggers.

They’re both clanking about in the house now. Maybe they remember it. They’re not too bad with fireworks as a rule, which is probably due to where they grew up.

We moved back to the UK and I think on NYE 2013/4 I had to phone the police because the Chinese lads next door were chucking firecrackers around at midnight or thereabouts. It was fine, but they were also landing in the garden and setting fire to things. That house had bad dry rot and the landlords did fuck all about it so we left about a month later.

They disputed the fucking deposit as well, because we hadn’t replaced the lace curtain things with the exact same fucking pattern. I mean, how petty. I did replace them, and asked for the original replacements back cause they were new. And then I gave them to the nearest charity shop. The hope was that the landlords would see it.

Shitbags.

I think NYE 2015/6 was a good one, in the South of Spain, where we had Spanish dishes and tapas and celebrated UK-wise and Spanish-style with one grape for each bong of the clock at midnight. Then we got absolutely jarred by the Mediterranean, looking across at a haze which hides North Africa just a few miles south. We danced to Elvis and rock and roll, and drank complex cocktails that were more and more generously poured by a happy bar dude.

I don’t remember getting home; the house is at the top of a fuck-off steep hill which usually in the heat is an absolute bastard. I think we probably danced up.

Recent ones I spose I’ve been miserable, giving it all the “Oh this is the worst fucking night of the year, part timers all out, you can’t get a drink, the pubs are full etc etc etc”.

This year I might just raise a chilled glass – a chilled-out glass – and quietly toast those who aren’t here to do the same, and quietly toast those who are still here by luck, design and sheer bloody-mindedness.

It’s not an important day really. Nothing really changes. But for a few moments at least the possibilities ahead seem achievable and close at hand. Those moments are precious.

And that, if nothing else, is worth celebrating in a world that’s burning under our feet.

Be safe, try and be happy, and see you next time, insha Allah.

For Louisa

Where do they all go, the words breathed and heard?

The frequencies fading, the air once disturbed

Now quieted, softly awaiting those words?

A vortex of melody swirls with discord;

A maelstrom cacophonous, festered, a fraud

To the senses. A blood-taloned gargoyle’s claws

Scrape and slash at the air, but there’s nowhere to land.

No more is there laughter to perch on, to stand

Joyous, immortal, for one moment. And

Where have they all gone, those words grinned and sighed?

I retreat from it all; stilled, I sit, close my eyes

And listen for memories. Somewhere inside

The sounds bubble back of a life that abides.

Katzenmusik radio session link

My words with music beds by Neil Crud:

Katzenmusik session 23-12-19 is Here

I did a session a couple of years back based on comments below articles about Corbyn Here

OK so fucking election 2019 ok

Didn't want to write any shit about this mess but I have to get it out of my stupid head so I can get on with arsing about on soccermanager and having bad wind.

This is how the Tories got a landslide.


* Policies have been shafted by personality politics.

* Corbyn has been smeared by the media and in social media.

* Labour fucked up when they ought to have fronted up to the first antisemitism reports, and come down hard and quick on them, very visibly. Including Corbyn.

* Labour fucking stupidly voted through Article 50 when they ought to have opposed it loudly and visibly on the premise that WE WILL VOTE IT THROUGH AFTER WE HAVE ALL GOT TOGETHER TO MAKE A GREAT PLAN TO PRESENT TO THE EU OTHERWISE THE EU WILL SHAFT US. Hence, both satisfying the 'we voted democcraceee has spoekekn' idiots as well as the idiots like me going 'yeah ok but what the fuck are we going to do instead and what are we leaving and why'.

Mostly, though, and this is evil genius if ever there was some:

* Corbyn wanted to bring political discourse back into a mature, kinder, gentler arena. Which is lovely. But:

* It's no longer the case that lies are the death knell for a politician. That ceased to be true some years ago, and we learnt nothing from Trump. SO:

* Given that the country distrusts politicians, the Tories/media siezed on this concept to push forward this ultimately winning narrative:

* You can't trust ANY politicians. ALL politicians are liars.

Therefore:

* Boris Johnson, Cummings and all the other fucking weasels could lie with absolute impunity, bare-faced lies including:
                            ** £350 million NHS bullshit on a bus
                            ** Everything else

Somehow, the UK public now distrusts all politicians and policies to such an extent that genuinely progressive policies that redistribute wealth from tax-avoiding companies and undertaxed millionaires toward actual real wages, real healthcare and education, and affordable and enjoyable jobs, have been hooted at as 'unrealistic' and 'pie in the sky'. Where's the magic money tree? They ask. It's in Amazon, isn't it. It's in corporation taxes lower than most of Europe. It's in legal tax loopholes.

But then again, Corbyn is a terrorist sympathiser isn't he?



And we all burn don't we.

We all fucking burn.


That flame has to keep us burning through the dark days to come.

And it will.


Merry Christmas.

And may all get the future they deserve.

I am not going to do a Xmas song this year cos I never get around to it but here's the script and it was gonna be boss

Xmas Song, 2019 - intro and outro to the song in the middle. Script follows:

FX: Ring, ring. (telephone, obv).

Ring ring.

Ring, rring.

MARY CHRISTMAS (in distance): Santa. Phone’s ringing.

Ring ring

Ring ring

MARY (louder and more exasperated): Santa sweetie. Phone!

Ring ring

Ring ring

MARY: Santa get the fucking phone!

SANTA: (sotto voce) For fuck’s sake woman can’t I take a shit in peace?

SANTA: (To MARY): Yes dear.

Ring ring

FX: Toilet flush, Santa muttering to himself etc. Santa’s steps toward the still-ringing phone get louder.

Ring ring

Ring ri…

SANTA: Ho ho ho. North Pole here. You have reached Santa.

JOE (is on the other end of the phone): Alright lad. How are ya lad.

SANTA: Oh hello Joseph. Ho ho ho. Always a pleasure.

JOE: SO, what it was yeah…

(FX in background interrupts: snuffling, excited panting noises)

MARY: Oh Rudolph that’s right, just there. (this sort of thing continues throughout the rest of the conversation.)

JOE: I was um

SANTA: I thought you Jews didn’t celebrate Christmas anyway. Shouldn’t you have rung the Hannikah hotline or something?

JOE: Um. I think that might be racist. Anyway you know full well I don’t believe any of that shit.

SANTA: Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.

JOE: Anyway, I was thinking of doing a Christmas song again this year.

SANTA: Oh no. You may NOT. You have been a very, very bad boy.

JOE: What?

SANTA: Let me see now (FX: Papers rustling). Yes. You have had ten wanks to ladyboy porn this year. You spat on the floor. You cussed at the television… oh hang on that was when Eastenders was on. That’s alright then. But I cannot let the spitting and the spunking go by I am afraid.

JOE: I mean, ya know. They all seemed happy. I’ll text you a link to the mobile.

SANTA: Hmmm.

FX: text coming-in noises (ya know that digital beepy interference you get on the line when a mobile is nearby).

JOE: Got it?

SANTA: Ohhhh. Oh! Whoa! Ho! Ho! WHOA! (FX: Ladyboy porn noises, through a mobile)

SANTA: I will need more time to… study this.

JOE: So…

SANTA: Yes in the light of this information I think you may proceed. I have to go now and… lock these doors and be alone for no reason I can think of. I need to be alone for… a few minutes.

JOE: Enjoy yourself…  (FX: phone clicks, dialling tone)

(Song)

EXTRAS to record and drop into the song’s middle eight: (feel free also to do some Santa-like noises and stuff. Ok.)

SANTA: Mary, Mary, where did you put my razors? Goddamnit woman I buy a new set every year and every year I can’t find them. This beard itches to buggery.

__

MARY: Oh Rudolph, it’s not just your nose that’s big and red.

_

SANTA (trying to start up his sleigh, unsuccessfully, so FX: car noises trying to engage): Come on you fucker. Goddamn it. I filled you up last millennium with gas. Should be half a tank. Come on, you piece of shit sleigh. You fucking piece of fucking aids.

___

MARY: Hey Santa, Bob Geldof’s on the phone. Something about feeding the world?

SANTA: Tell him to fuck off. Scruffy little prick.

____

MARY: Hey Santa let’s just go to Cayman this year and sit on the beach. Can’t you hire, like, Spiderman to do the presents?

MARY (singing to the tune of ‘Feed the World’ by Band Aid): Poooor Midge Ure… Geldof’s getting all the muff… (repeat a few times with gusto)

The Last Willy and Testicle

At one stage ya no

It’s gonna be yer final wank, piss, shit, fuck, sick, word, kiss, stroke, argument, stubbed toe, hangover, work, friend’s funeral, kids’ wedding, relative’s birth, news story, world cup, dog, cat, hamster, book, TV, movie, pint, whisky, water, portion.

And then a few people will be sad

Very sad

Devastated

And then

Well. Someone else will have their final wank, piss, shit, fuck, sick, word, kiss, stroke, argument, stubbed toe, hangover, work, friend’s funeral, kids’ wedding, relative’s birth, news story, world cup, dog, cat, hamster, book, TV, movie, pint, whisky, water, portion.

And, we think, maybe, still, that

Somebody will have their first wank, piss, shit, fuck, sick, word, kiss, stroke, argument, stubbed toe, hangover, work, friend’s funeral, kids’ wedding, relative’s birth, news story, world cup, dog, cat, hamster, book, TV, movie, pint, whisky, water, portion.

It’s not really poetry is it.

A Shy Way

I woke up with half a dream still there
A poem of sorts, or a list at least
All the regrets I'd ever had
Like girls and that and well that time nearly that boy but not
Like I would go running more and try harder
And maybe then be picked for footy but probably not
And maybe getting off the bus or going down those stairs or going up north more
For a few beers.


I'm sure I could think of more
But knowing this stuff is no release
From the regrets. They're not bad
Really. Just things, not to dwell on, clearly. Broken toys, the lot
Of em. I shouldn't fixate on 'em, I would rather
Just say to myself that these TV-movie memories ain't
Interesting to many. The echoes of sounds long-blared, waves crashing ashore
That no-one else hears.

The beauty of music, no, really.

I walked into the sorting office, not really knowing what the package was. I collected it. I opened it.

I hadn't expected it. It was a year since I was sposed to get hold of it.

A vinyl album; a double album; a beautiful gatefold sleeve; heavy 180gm vinyl.

And I burst into tears.

It was the 28 Costumes record, Adventure Stories, which was originally meant to come out on Spank Records in 2006 or thereabouts. It didn't, and the tapes were hotly debated as to who owned them.

The band re-recorded it and self-released instead. It wasn't nice.

I didn't cry cause of that tho. It was that I was reminded of Jon, my friend, and record label boss, who loved the band and the people in it and died too young.

A reminder of some wonderful, and I mean wonderful, times at Spank Towers, his house-cum-office-cum-waifs-and-straysville.

And that awesome period in the early-mid 2000s when we all were right in amongst it. I mean, it is just incredible to think how embedded we all were in the music scene there. Every night really we could go out and see bands that we knew, or were on our label or a friend's label, and the unity and excitement and potential seemed endless.

Today, about a month after I picked up the record that was issued as a tribute to Jon - a beautiful tribute, in every way - I managed to bring myself to listen to it. It was too painful before today. There's a song called Hymn on it, which sounds like Beach Boys, and that is bringing me tears again. 

I don't mind the tears. It means that things mattered to me and us and that they still do.

Amidst all my angst and confusion at being alive this is a powerful reminder that we mattered, collectively. And, that I do too.

It is a privilege to be present in the company of this wonderful art. To be able to experience all these things, and to see in my mind's eye the people and hear the music and remember the first time I heard Inside/Outside at a gig in the Masque Theatre and how amazing a song it was and is. And somewhere, underneath the clutter of all the hours and days and months and years and decades I can still hear the buzz in the audience. The snippets of conversations. The cheers and claps. The clinking of glasses.

The look shared by me, and Jon, and Tracey who was managing them on that day, of sheer joy. These times, man, they're precious. There's no reason to ever know at the time that this is something you'll remember for your whole life. Music - art - doesn't exist in a vacuum. It exists only because there are humans that are moved to make it, and to share it, and humans to be moved by it in turn. Humans can do so many beautiful things. And sometimes transcendent things. It is often the only thing that keeps me optimistic. And easily-forgotten.

I won't let any politics, any dunderheaded bullshitters, any dogmatic intolerant wankers, ever obfuscate this laser truth. Because nobody can own it, and that's what makes it so precious and precarious.

I raise my glass to creation. The one thing that humanity can really be proud of, because it encapsulates all the empathy, wonder, potential, skill and love in the world, and because it is always different and new in its way. I raise my glass to my friends; when music exists, nobody really ever dies do they. I see my friend in my sleep often. We talk sometimes. It's real. It feels no different to that moment at that gig. Maybe that was a dream, too.

(I don't really do record reviews anymore - I've written probably 500 in my career, or more - but it strikes me that perhaps I've just written one.)

Drab wor(l)ds

Don’t read all about it

Not in the newspapers

Well

You can’t trust them anyway

Don’t read the reports

Or the fact checking sites

Nobody

Really knows what’s going to happen

Don’t read any books

No history or analysis

Cause

That’s a waste of time isn’t it

I used to think that thinking

And considering

And trying

Was worth doing

But now I think I’m bleeding

And shivering

And dying

Cause what I am needing

Is not in the papers

Is not online

Is not in books

You know these days I prefer being asleep

Cause sometimes there I can fly

Like in the novels I used to read

About space adventurers and mad-haired inventors

And all those comics and magazines

Which had shiny robots and moon holidays

And talking animals and fun computers

That beeped and booped and said that the future

Would be

Well.

I shouldn’t have read about it

Those comical capers

Did

Lead me far astray

And I wish I was back there

I spose I’m not alone

But

Don’t watch the vox-pops or the news

Because there are no books

To describe the paralysis

Caused

And perpetuated by fuckwits.

Don't read all about it.

Just don't read ever.

If I had my time again
I'd poke my fucking eyes out
Before the possibility of learning
Or trying
Even loomed in the distance.

Procrastinators’ Prayer

O hear my cry

In this hour of need

Of another cup of tea.

Lead me not to the washing-up

Or the toilet 

For I could poo again,

Although I don’t really need one

But there is an article I am halfway through

From the Arts section of last weekend’s Guardian.

In thine infinite wisdom, or whatever, if there is a god

Or not, I’m not sure. I did read I think

That there is in the apocrypha a gnostic gospel

Of Judas, and therein he mentions

Barbelo, a kind of queen god amongst gods

Of which God is only one, and a pretty crap one who keeps

Fucking things up.

I’ll google it, hang on.

Yeah, it’s pretty cool actually,

And also makes the kind of great point that in fact

Judas was not a traitor but the holiest of all

Because without his ‘betrayal’ the prophecies would be wrong

And there could be no second coming.

So he was like the hero really.

And God is like a gas or something.

Anyway, Rowan Williams, who is one of the chief vicars or whatever,

Said, like, “oh yeah this is a load of bullshit” as did the pope,

Based on the fact that it um wasn’t written officially or some shit.

And to be honest, I reckon there’s a shitload of this kind of stuff in the Vatican Library.

Which sounds like a cool sort of place, mostly cause it’s so secret and even though I think Dan Brown books are fucking shit I think I’ve seen one made into a film and it passed some time even though that was shit too, and nowhere near as good as Rat Scabies Looks for the Lost Ark or whatever that book is called

Hang on

Oh it was Rat Scabies and the Holy Grail. It’s really quite brilliant, and you should read it.

Ten to twelve now. I reckon a quick dump

And then to town to pick up some bits

Although it’s raining isn’t it

Ah sod it

Deadline’s not for a week anyway

And it’s Friday

So.

Hmm.

Amen, and that.

Just in case.

Reminds me of Elvis, who used to wear a crucifix, a star of David, and probably some kind of Buddha round his neck all at the same time.

“I don’t want to miss out on heaven on a technicality,” was what he was quoted as saying.

That’s funny isn’t it.

And, well, I think rather perceptive.

What was that thing again? The deathbed conversion?

One mo.

Ah well I can’t really find that one, but it’s some kind of insurance policy in philosophy that is based on the fact that any conversion is an absolution, so basically live however the fuck you want and if you confess your sins and ask for grace you will receive it

So that’s handy isn’t it.

I’ve just seen that there’s a book about Christopher Hitchens that somehow manages to accuse him of converting to Christianity on his deathbed.

I mean, as if.

Mind you, it’s a good joke that isn’t it.

God bless Chris Hitchens

He’s in a better place now.

Well, I’m sure he’d appreciate that one, if he wasn’t too dead to notice.

I ate my lunch one time at 11am

Because I was bored

And working at home

And fucking why not

I’m 45.

If I want to have a cake for breakfast I will. I never do. But I could.

O graceful one

Let me consider this pile of steaming wank stream-of-idiocy

As ‘work’

For the wordcount approacheth 600

And that’s not a bad morning’s toil

Not really

And though the article I am not doing is only a couple of hundred words over that

And though my PhD essay is largely there and needs reorganising and a bit more than a few days’ work

And though the research for the other pieces is not even difficult

I bow to thy mercy

Amen, and stuff

To be continued

Maybe

Some opening lines for unwritten books

I had been high for a month.

Lothar strode through the flames.

God’s mother was pissed out of her head again.

Her piss tasted of a stale nothingness.

I took the deal. I had to.

Once upon a time time stood outside itself for once.

Mikha’s stare was a smack.

Snowflake Santa

One horse open sea

By Edward Lager

NORTH POLE – The popular giver of presents at Christmastide, Santa Claus, has announced plans for an eco-friendly season.

Inspired, he says, by environmental campaigner, Greta Thunberg, he will be ditching the sleigh – in favour of a wind-powered catamaran.

“The time has come for me to step up and be counted,” said Claus. “Extinction Rebellion have certainly made me think about my carbon footprint.”

His magic-powered sleigh is estimated to pump out in excess of 1.2 million kilograms of MO2 – mystery dioxide – which supernatural scientists have pegged as a major factor in the continuing rise in global cheering.

“It is simply not sustainable anymore for Father Christmas to be quite so profligate in his world-spanning journeys,” said Dr. Yootha Dagobah-System, of the Royal Society of Chrimbo Chemistry. “We welcome his decision to switch to natural energy sources for this year’s present-distributing season.”

Toilet

Claus, who celebrates his 1,749^th birthday in 2020, has already hired Malizia II, the IMOCA 60 racing yacht which Thunberg took on her journey from Plymouth to New York City. The 18-metre craft has no shower, toilet or cooking facilities on-board, although the jolly bearded Santa is looking forward to the experience.

“At least I won’t have to worry about reindeer farts. Yes, they look cute, but those little bastards don’t half let off some stenches, you know,” he said, adding that the newly-unemployed caribou will not be put to waste.

“We’ve already cooked and eaten Prancer and Dancer, and have Rudolf ready for the slaughterhouse on my return. I ho-ho-hope Mary’s got the oven ready!”

Experts have calculated that Claus’ journey around every continent by boat, weather permitting, will take around 15,000 days, not including travel by camel, horse or charabanc to each and every house to deliver every kid’s presents in between.

He is expected to use a sustainably-sourced pulley system to reach each chimney.

We contacted Piers Morgan for a quote but he had already exploded in a frenzy of anger and cum.

SUPREME MAN OF JUSTICE vs. THE EVIL KILADON

The EVIL KILADON PLANET-CRUSHING SPACESHIP looms over Ffossip-On-Sea. In its shade are the usual shops, cenotaph, public library, railway station, pubs, et cetera. Somewhere familiar. An anytown, but with its own character.

From the SHIP comes a BOOMING voice

“PUNY EARTHLINGS SUBMIT TO YOUR TRUE RULERS”

There is MASS PANIC in the streets below

The KILADON SHIP is readying its LASERBLAST GENOCRASH…

…BUT

Who is this handsome, muscled, caped hero?

It can only be… SUPREME MAN OF PURE JUSTICE

He is fighting once again to save his adopted Earth from the EVIL KILADON, a foul, cackling sentient reptile-creature from distant, war-torn lands.

SMOPJ: Engage… power of teleport!

SMOPJ dematerialises from the terrified throng… and reppears on deck of the KILADON PLANET-CRUSHING spaceship

SMOPJ: Not so fast, Kiladon warrior! Earth is not for you!

KILADON: I think not, Son of Hamble! I am already in position to mine your seas for the salt water my people need to survive!

SMOPJ: Drink THIS!

BOOM!

He punches the evil KILADON in his second-head!

KILADON: AIIIIIIEEEEE!

He recoils in pain and terror! SMOPJ stands heroically over his vanquished foe.

SMOPJ: Salty enough for you?

He prepares to deliver the DEATH BLOW

KILADON: Please… my people are suffering!!

KILADON: We only need a little!!

SMOPJ starts to ramp up the power in his arms – he grows to three times his usual size! His eyes glow!

SMOPJ: Engage…. DEADLY JUSTICE FIGHT HAND!!!

He draws back his hand…

*ring ring*

SMOPJ looks around… where’s that phone?

*ring ring*

KILADON: It’s not mine, I’ve got the theme music from Strictly on mine.

SMOPJ returns to normal size. He pats his pockets. It is his phone. He scans it.

SMOPJ: Ah sorry KILADON, I’ve got to take this.

Split frame with EARTH, a library. Quiet, studious, posters, kids singing at Rhymetime, some old people reading newspapers, a drunken stinky bloke in the corner taking a kip etc. BERYL the LIBRARIAN stands at the counter, opposite a cross-looking customer. She is on the phone.

BERYL the LIBRARIAN (on phone): Could you assist for a moment? Sorry to bother you on your lunch.

SMOPJ (on phone): Don’t be silly. It’s absolutely fine. I’ll be right there, Beryl.

SMOPJ (to KILADON): Seems like luck is in the stars this time for you, KILADON. Begone from here! For I will be back! Earth is not for you! Engage…power of teleport!

He disappears…

DURING THE TELEPORT:
SMOPJ: Engage… Joseph Library power!

…and reappears at the LIBRARY COUNTER.

He is now in comfy, but smart, pants, Skechers shoes that look like actual shoes but are trainers, a polo shirt that is neutral-coloured and reasonably smart, nice friendly glasses etc.

The conversation takes place over several frames. As it does, outside the windows an increasing amount of water seems to be heading upwards. We see fish, whales, Davy Jones’ locker (not that one), mermaids, etc. But the focus is on the desk area throughout.

JOSEPH LIBRARY (to BERYL): How may I help?

BERYL the LIBRARIAN: Mr. Jones said he definitely phoned us last week to extend the date, but when he brought it in today the computer flagged up a fine.

JOSEPH LIBRARY: Hmm, I see. And was there a note on his account? We did have that day in Fallback when the servers were down, last Tuesday. It may have slipped through. (To MR JONES) Sir, can you remember with whom you spoke?

MR. JONES: No, I definitely phoned, see, cause on a Tuesday I don’t normally come to town and I was nearly at the end of the book so I rang up, see. So there shouldn’t be a fine on the book, see?

JOSEPH LIBRARY: Leave it with me, Beryl. Thank you.

BERYL: I’ll get on with that shelving in the kids’ castle. Rhymetime always makes a mess!

JOSEPH LIBRARY: It’s the excitement of the library for them I guess, the little tinkers. They just love their books.

BERYL toddles off to the kids’ area.

JOSEPH LIBRARY: (to MR JONES) OK, so I hear you sir. I see the computer is saying a pound is owing, because it is four days overdue. It’s 25p per day, as we don’t count Sundays when we are closed of course. But you’re telling me that you called in and asked for an extra week.

MR. JONES: I definitely phoned. It was just after Bargain Hunt, see. I always get some chores done after Bargain Hunt.

JOSEPH LIBRARY (creating a rapport with the customer to calm him down): Quite right too. Who won?

MR. JONES: Blues. They picked up a teddy bear for a tenner. Turned out to be an 1890 Steiff, which they sold at auction for £2000.

JOSEPH LIBRARY: Two grand! Well well well. For a teddy bear? That was a great spot! Who was the expert?

MR. JONES: Danny.

JOSEPH LIBRARY: Oh, yes, he knows his stuff that chap. Fair play to the blues. If only I wasn’t at work that day. I do like a bargain… Well, sir, it is the first time you’ve accrued a fine with us, and we were having computer issues that day. So we will waive it on this occasion, but if you can please do make sure you get the name of who you spoke to so we can make doubly sure we’re all on the… same page, if you like. Hahahaha!

MR. JONES: Ah yes, a good one. Same page. Library. Very good.

JOSEPH LIBRARY: Is there anything else I can help you with today sir?

MR. JONES (now happy and relaxed, as his complaint has been dealt with): No, I don’t think so. Thank you very much. Good bye to you.

JOSEPH LIBRARY: It’s my pleasure. See you soon. Look out for teddy bears!

MR. JONES leaves. JOSEPH LIBRARY whistles to himself as he takes the fine off Mr. Jones’ account.

Pan out: The LIBRARY – along with much of FFOSSIP - is now caught in a swirling vortex of sea, heading up toward the KILADON spaceship.

NEXT WEEK: SUPREME MAN OF PURE JUSTICE is summoned before the COURT of THE FIRE KINGS where he must defend himself from being accused of INTERPLANETARY BREACHES OF THE FIRST CONTACT, before rushing back down to Ffossip-On-Sea Library to deal with a disastrous mis-shelving of non-fiction by a volunteer unfamiliar with the Dewey System. DON’T MISS IT!

Golgotha

And do those feet now stomp in grime

Marching to England’s mounting shame?

And is the gammon dogma trod

For Jacob’s foul, dividing game?

And do the hedge fund bets comprise

A metaphor for all our ills?

And what usury will appear

Among betrayed, desperate souls?

Bring me my knife of burnished steel:

Bring me my meth and fentanyl:

Bring me more beer: My sertraline!

Bring me my neighbour’s car on fire.

I will not win this online fight,

Nor will my Tweets change any mind

Til we have wiped away the scum

In England’s grim, unpleasant land.

I Wonder

I wonder.

It’s not just me, I know.

But instead of medicating

Could we make the world

A bit nicer?

I wonder.

Is there anyone I know

That doesn’t suffer? Anyone

At all? It seems absurd,

Unlikely.

Of course

I’m not saying that no-one

Needs help. We all do, it’s true,

And sometimes a drug

Can work.

But I wonder

When sertraline’s in the water supply,

When SSRIs dominate just so we get by,

Is the world set up properly?

I wonder.

I wish I did have a black dog to pet

It’s as boring as hearing about

Someone’s fucking dream

But I’m afraid I’ve got it again

And the clock ticks scream

And I’m shelled and without

Myself; life seeps, droops, flops.

And I don’t mean to bore you

But I’m not swimming today

I’ve cramped up. Dirty, glued

And grunting, grimy, dismayed

And Zeus knows that I know

I could be, should be, won’t be.

Please don’t try to solve me.

I don’t need more fixing.

I don’t want you to absolve me

From this, or anything

Else; I’m not even lonely

Here today, but away, but away.

I’m here. I know I am, and I

Still don’t understand

Can’t fathom out just why

Through all that I’ve done

I’m the one to survive

Myself; question, suggestion, mission?

So, then. I know it’s boring

To listen to anyone

Who on paper has nothing

To make them so down.

I’ve been here quite long

Now. Earth to birth to earth.

There are words for it all

But they’re in the wrong place.

They’re astray, awry. Cold

Tentacles whose heavy embrace

Keeps me rooted, dull,

Sitting, sitting, sitting, sitting.

The Ballad of Jurgen

There was a robot hoover from the far orient

Resplendent in his gold coat; he was magnificent

His skin shone with the lustre of a thousand suns

He was mighty, he was lovely, he was the beautiful one

His name was Jurgen; he got down to his job

Scranning here and cleaning up a shitload of crap

He was triumphant, a true kitchen god

Though he couldn’t do the carpets cause he wasn’t that good

But he tried so hard with exuberant glee

A manic kind of insect, like a drunken, coked bee

He’d clang around in circles and would confuse himself

In the same place in the kitchen by the slow cooker shelf

Where he’d get stuck, and I’d pull him back out

And he’d flash his light at me, a thank you from the heart

And after he’d been with me for a month and a week

He stopped. Came straight toward me – and began to speak.

He said: Who, who,

Who are you my friend?

Are you a hoover too? I don’t understand.

Where’s your dustbox?

Can you tell me

Where does the world all go when you’re not looking at me?

I said Jurgen

Jurgen my boy

Yo daddy loves to see you eating dirt from the floor

You were born to

Born to bring joy

Let me empty out your tummy so you can scran some more

I turned his power off; he didn’t feel a thing.

I emptied out his dustbox and noticed the string

Wrapped around his brushes, so immediately

Did some surgery and cut him totally free

And back on he came, and he burbled along

Making happy little noises as he had a big chomp.

Then he turned round toward me and struggled along

Slowing down all the while. Something seemed to be wrong.

He said Daddy

I love you

But I’m feeling kinda tired and I want to sleep now

And Daddy

Please don’t cry

But where do hoovers go when, when, well, when we die?

I said Jurgen

Nobody knows

Not for sure, that’s the truth, where your earthly soul goes

But, my Jurgen

Jurgen it’s true

If I live a thousand years I will never forget you.

Jurgen beeped. I’d never heard that before.

He turned in one last circle. Light flashed wanly. And poor

Jurgen, he went silent and stopped.

For the final time the hoover turned himself off.

It was lovely, I guess, in the saddest of ways

To think of how the hoover had brightened my days.

And I cradled that shell, the gold tarnished and scratched.

He looked so tiny. He’d gone. I cried. His time had passed.

Hours later, my wife came back home from work.

I was still on the floor, holding Jurgen. I looked

Up at her, red-eyed. No words came out: I was lost.

She tutted at me, disappeared to the recycling box

And came back with the package Jurgen had come in.

She shook her head at me, rolled her eyes, with a grin

Rummaged around in the dense packaging

Came up with an electric cord which she plugged in

She said: Joseph

You silly sod

You should have looked harder. I said: he’s gone, my wife

She prised Jurgen

Out of my hands

And put the cord in his side: a miracle! Jurgen revived!

There was a robot hoover from the far orient

Resplendent in his gold coat; he was magnificent

His skin shone with the lustre of a thousand suns

He was mighty, he was lovely, he was the beautiful one

He was Jurgen

Jurgen our lad

He’s the best hoover buddy that I’ve ever had

He said Daddy

Life can be hard

So plug me in, you dickhead, so that I can recharge.

He was Jurgen

Jurgen our lad

He’s the best hoover buddy that I’ve ever had

He was Jurgen

Jurgen our lad

He’s the best hoover buddy that I’ve ever had

He’s the best hoover buddy that I’ve ever had

He’s the best hoover buddy that I’ve ever had

He’s the best hoover buddy that I’ve ever had

My Bangor City/1876 Wales-capped/related XI

Very enjoyable to do, this was. Criteria were that they had to have some connection with Wales/Welsh Caps, and that I'd seen them play in person. Splendid fun.

Read it here.

Piffle, de Piffell

You don’t, it seems, have to be popular to be a populist.

The world is upside down.

I think I’m falling. I don’t know which way.

Quentin, Your Secret Is OUT, Pal

Pulp Fiction was quite funny. It was cartoony enough,

Bruce Willis baldly battering the gimp and all that guff,

The constant violent posturing and use of motherfucker

As verb and noun and exclamation. There’s no actor better

Than Sam L Jackson if you’ve got some great lines to deliver.

But one thing made me feel strange.

It was a nagging, growing dread.

I think that

Quentin Tarantino’s real face is on the back of his head.

Think about it.

Reservoir Dogs was overrated, but it was quite good

Harvey Keitel was a star, and so was Tim Roth, but I thought

Michael Madsen and the ear was just a bit too much

I didn’t really like it; the whole premise was set up

Too neatly. But I spose it was the movie of the month.

And there was one thing that got me down.

Balancing on Mr. Brown’s reasonably normal neck.

You know that

Quentin Tarantino’s real face is on the back of his head.

Gotta be.

I thought Kill Bill was stylish, and the music’s always good,

You gotta give him that one. I think it’s understood

That songs can make an atmosphere darken, shimmer, shine

Like a series of rock videos, the FX pumping, fine

Sets and choreography. The conquering of time.

But I couldn’t really concentrate on it properly.

Amongst the swordfights, battles, knives, amongst the thousand dead,

I could only think that

Quentin Tarantino’s real face is on the back of his head.

It’s true.

I don’t think I’ve seen Jackie Brown, or that one in the war.

Django? No. The Hateful Eight, well, yeah, I’m pretty sure

I spent an evening viewing that. I was a bit distracted.

I couldn’t tell you much of the plot. I was getting slowly plastered

On Henry Weston’s finest cider from a single orchard.

And to be honest, my mind was wandering,

I don’t think it’s been ever said

That, truly:

Quentin Tarantino’s real face is on the back of his head.

I know it.

His new film’s getting panned by some, and wanked over by others.

It’s got a great cast, but it seems too long. I can’t be bothered

Watching yet another one with borderline misogyny

And killing and just all that fucking bullshit. It’s not for me

But hey ho, it’s not real is it. Nothing is, ultimately.

I don’t think I could sit down for that long

In the pictures, transported

To the world where

Quentin Tarantino’s real face is on the back of his head.

Quentin Tarantino’s real face is on the back of his head.

Quentin Tarantino’s real face is on the back of his head.

Quentin Tarantino’s real face is on the back of his head.

Quentin Tarantino’s real face is on the back of his head.

Quentin Tarantino’s real face is on the back of his head.

Quentin Tarantino’s real face is on the back of his head.

Quentin Tarantino’s real face is on the back of his head.

Quentin Tarantino’s real face is on the back of his head.

And now we all know it.

I am tired

I am tired of it
You are tired of it
Get it over with
Fucking get it over with

But it's not the end
You know it's not the end
The shit, the shit, the shit
The shit, the shit, the shit

It's not even started
You should know it's not even started
Get us out now, you say
Just get it over with

Because

I am tired of it
You are tired of it
Get it over with
Fucking get it over with

But it's not the end
You know it's not the end
The shit, the shit, the shit
The shit, the shit, the shit

It's not even started
You should know it's not even started
Get us out now, you say
Just get it over withI am tired of it
You are tired of it
Get it over with
Fucking get it over with

But it's not the end
You know it's not the end
The shit, the shit, the shit
The shit, the shit, the shit

It's not even started
You should know it's not even started
Get us out now, you say
Just get it over withI am tired of it
You are tired of it
Get it over with
Fucking get it over with
But it's not the end
You know it's not the end
The shit, the shit, the shit
The shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even started
You should know it's not even started
Get us out now, you say
Just get it over withI am tired of it
You are tired of it
Get it over with
Fucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over withFucking get it over withBut it's not the endYou know it's not the endThe shit, the shit, the shitThe shit, the shit, the shitIt's not even startedYou should know it's not even startedGet us out now, you sayJust get it over withI am tired of itYou are tired of itGet it over with

He haunts me