Procrastinators’ Prayer

O hear my cry

In this hour of need

Of another cup of tea.

Lead me not to the washing-up

Or the toilet 

For I could poo again,

Although I don’t really need one

But there is an article I am halfway through

From the Arts section of last weekend’s Guardian.

In thine infinite wisdom, or whatever, if there is a god

Or not, I’m not sure. I did read I think

That there is in the apocrypha a gnostic gospel

Of Judas, and therein he mentions

Barbelo, a kind of queen god amongst gods

Of which God is only one, and a pretty crap one who keeps

Fucking things up.

I’ll google it, hang on.

Yeah, it’s pretty cool actually,

And also makes the kind of great point that in fact

Judas was not a traitor but the holiest of all

Because without his ‘betrayal’ the prophecies would be wrong

And there could be no second coming.

So he was like the hero really.

And God is like a gas or something.

Anyway, Rowan Williams, who is one of the chief vicars or whatever,

Said, like, “oh yeah this is a load of bullshit” as did the pope,

Based on the fact that it um wasn’t written officially or some shit.

And to be honest, I reckon there’s a shitload of this kind of stuff in the Vatican Library.

Which sounds like a cool sort of place, mostly cause it’s so secret and even though I think Dan Brown books are fucking shit I think I’ve seen one made into a film and it passed some time even though that was shit too, and nowhere near as good as Rat Scabies Looks for the Lost Ark or whatever that book is called

Hang on

Oh it was Rat Scabies and the Holy Grail. It’s really quite brilliant, and you should read it.

Ten to twelve now. I reckon a quick dump

And then to town to pick up some bits

Although it’s raining isn’t it

Ah sod it

Deadline’s not for a week anyway

And it’s Friday

So.

Hmm.

Amen, and that.

Just in case.

Reminds me of Elvis, who used to wear a crucifix, a star of David, and probably some kind of Buddha round his neck all at the same time.

“I don’t want to miss out on heaven on a technicality,” was what he was quoted as saying.

That’s funny isn’t it.

And, well, I think rather perceptive.

What was that thing again? The deathbed conversion?

One mo.

Ah well I can’t really find that one, but it’s some kind of insurance policy in philosophy that is based on the fact that any conversion is an absolution, so basically live however the fuck you want and if you confess your sins and ask for grace you will receive it

So that’s handy isn’t it.

I’ve just seen that there’s a book about Christopher Hitchens that somehow manages to accuse him of converting to Christianity on his deathbed.

I mean, as if.

Mind you, it’s a good joke that isn’t it.

God bless Chris Hitchens

He’s in a better place now.

Well, I’m sure he’d appreciate that one, if he wasn’t too dead to notice.

I ate my lunch one time at 11am

Because I was bored

And working at home

And fucking why not

I’m 45.

If I want to have a cake for breakfast I will. I never do. But I could.

O graceful one

Let me consider this pile of steaming wank stream-of-idiocy

As ‘work’

For the wordcount approacheth 600

And that’s not a bad morning’s toil

Not really

And though the article I am not doing is only a couple of hundred words over that

And though my PhD essay is largely there and needs reorganising and a bit more than a few days’ work

And though the research for the other pieces is not even difficult

I bow to thy mercy

Amen, and stuff

To be continued

Maybe