The Ballad of Sugarcane Valley High

It was the perfect Valley town, as humble as they come

Sun-blessed, simple, and as pretty as a picture

Teenagers drinking milkshakes as they got their homework done;

then they’d dance to jukebox records in the diner.

--

And here comes Eugene: he’s the starting quarterback

for the Panthers, who ain’t ever lost a game.

Eugene’s fleet of foot, and he’s never missed a pass,

and if he’s tackled – why, he gets right up again.

Six foot two with Olympian build,

and the most piercing baby blues you’ll ever see.

They say they’re lining up to hand him scholarships;

Eugene just says: “Well, what will be, will be.”

But nobody knows that when Eugene is at home

the headaches start to hammer at his skull.

The pain is overwhelming and he has to lie right down

as the panic and the pressure takes its toll.

And Eugene’s drinking whisky from the bottle every night

just to snatch a desolate hour or two of sleep

and he’s starting to feel slower, and he’s starting to black out

on the field, but nobody’s noticed yet.

His sweetheart, Mary-Lou, a vision in a floaty dress.

A brown-eyed redhead classy and petite.

She’s top of all her classes, destined for the highest grades,

and she’s got the future at her tiny feet.

But Mary-Lou’s got secrets that not even Eugene knows;

not least one growing right there in her womb.

It’s too painful still for her to even start to recall how;

that night her uncle came into her room.

She’s been swiping tranx and anaesthesia of late;

her daddy is the Valley’s only dentist.

Mary-Lou’s got a clutch bag full of sweet barbiturates

and something very special for tonight.

Cause Sugarcane Valley High School’s celebrating

with a dance inside the gym, and all are guests.

One last bash, a party for the champions-in waiting -

Those Panthers, man, the wonder-team. The best.

The perfect couple strides into the building, hand in hand,

to cheers and to handshakes: they’re the Valley’s hopes made flesh.

And when nobody’s looking, the girl finds the bowl of punch

and laces it with fentanyl of rhino-stopping strength;

and when he can, Eugene steps out, and turns on the gas taps,

the gym begins to fill with silent death;

he reaches for his best gal, and they slink under the bleachers

and solemnly, and slowly start to fuck;

they watch the townsfolk yawn and droop

glasses smashing on the hardwood floor;

the drugs take hold, the bodies fall,

insensible and breathing shallow now;

Eugene and Mary-Lou lock eyes. It’s time to end this game.

It’s time to really blow this joint – and how!

She opens up her Zippo lighter, coaxes out a flame;

the lovers laugh – the High School gym explodes.

--

It was a perfect Valley town, they say, the ones who did survive;

it’s hard to tell amidst the charcoal wreck;

but here once played a legendary side

unbeaten, with a Greek God at its head;

and here danced the most beautiful girl;

who had the world and stardust at her feet.

But ask no questions - move on quickly, traveller -

the answers may be ones that haunt your dreams.