Load I Up

Ach

Crushing at my chest

pushing the bone down

I can’t stand up and I can’t stand this

Breathing shallow, scared to cough

and I can’t get through to the doc

so I’m calibrating fast

Doctor Google on my smartphone

load up the naproxen I bought online

Egyptian gabapentin, ah fuck it, why not

til my head is transparent enough

half-asleep, but I can’t rest

this won’t do it on its own:

chomp at the butter, give me some wine

and I’m bouncing marshmallow-stuff

when I half-fly in lovely cloud to the shop

The pain is still there

but my body is miles gone

I know that it hurts, but nevertheless

I can sit here, my brain is cut off

til each comedown smacks me up rough

And I’ll do it tomorrow again

Cause there’s nobody on the line

I’ll stand up and fight through it

Each day is a challenge and this is mine

cause I’m not going back to that A&E hell

unless I keel over; so I calibrate well.