If man is five...

A few days ago I broke one of my personal rules and actually engaged with a proper nutter in town. This bloke was festooned with fire-and-brimstone slogans and wore badges like "SODOMY" with a red line through it, and "ABORTION IS BABY MURDER" and all that. In fact, it all made him look like he was wearing a heavy metal festival line-up. If only.

Neither of us learned anything of course from this discussion. Aside from I (re-)learned I ought not to try and have a proper discussion with someone who's already decided what they think. Ready, fire, aim.

This dingler did however give me a little piece of paper about heaven and hell. Hell, in red, on one side, and heaven in a nice blue on the other. You can see them at the bottom of this email, where Bumblebee is keeping hell in check and my lovely right hand JBL Control One speaker is overseeing heaven.

Now as Black Francis once sang, if man is five, then the devil is six and if the devil is six then god is seven. And who am I to argue with The Pixies (even with Paz on bass)? Inspiration, constantly, from one of the greatest bands ever to have banded together in band-land. Particularly in the late 1980s with Kim in the band. What a babe, too. 

So I took five minutes to extract every sixth word from the hell side, and every seventh word from the heaven side. I hoped to find a message or at least a treasure map. Each sentence here corresponds to a paragraph; I didn't count the citations as words; and I think I might have gone off-track on the hell one. But that's the devil for ya innit. Cheeky blighter. 

Here's the poem of sorts that emerged from it - I retained the capitalisation for, well, cause I thought it'd look cooler.

_________

(hell side)

FIRE If THIS away the the of place end like up place will of avoided the prepared angels is regret water.

Death burning will of forever.

Hell a believe one’s will grave Charles or.

Into do in cowardly those liars the Those again who begin in and salvation endure continue in one TEST people of image Antichrist who remain sin are follow.

Escape sins your your keep unashamedly have IF END first read adjusting BELIEVE HAVE FINAL all know IN WHAT OF right the this let FOR be for until the Way reject Him you you your reverse be church good keeping THE Sacred Koran is annihilation sleep.

100%

Into

Gnashing

Of

_________

(heaven side)

The said and truth in Be and away more or a ambulance kingdom Heaven is 1,400 wide gold never the is moon Lamb the life of city to love.

YOU by and did in you to than and Any up disciple daily die in you Spirit because salvation Christ soul life Son.

How is relationship the soul AS faithfulness it from eternity lost possessions retain pay which ARE soul to faithful important this to many enter Keep polluted kind things all YOUR Mormons just TV of is of SOUL with isn’t Compare in a Bible just mother God’s The to nature who as Do disown ACT.

Set

WITH

Crying

Outreach

Peace!

_________

Congratulations on reading this far. Here's my favourite song of all time, by anyone, ever. It's Caribou, and it made me cry every I saw them play it. And when I saw him play it solo on a few occasions. Yabadabadooo.