It's Billy Bubblebath's remarkable cirkus!!!!

Roll up! Roll up! Each night at noon the circus is in town

With marvels strange and wonderful; the sawdust’s on the ground

It’s Billy Bubblebath’s new show! It’s really rather good, you know

So gather all around

We’ve Danny Spesh, from Marrakesh, a juggler so great

That he can use but motes of dust! Come on and celebrate!

His microscopic juggling is wonderful and puzzling

So don’t you dare be late

Next on the bill is Degsie Dill, from way up in the north

We’ve measured him a hundred times and now we’re pretty sure:

Up from the floor, at six foot four

He’s Britain’s tallest dwarf

The strongman and the bearded lady had a secret scam

A tryst, romantic, torrid, sexy, in a caravan;

Nine months have passed, and here at last’s

The UK’s youngest man

We used to have some elephants, but no-one’s seen them lately

A small guy came, inspected them, and shook his head most gravely.

With pointy ears, we’re sure, we fear

He was from elf and safety

The acrobats have lost their hats; they won’t be on tonight

It’s such a shame; it’s not the same without that precious sight

But that’s the show; you never know

What happens night to night

So why not try the coconut shy, where everyone’s a winner

And every fallen nut’s a prize to take home for your dinner

Quickly, kids! A ball, two quid!

Or four balls for a tenner!

Or try your luck on hook a duck, a brilliant money-spinner;

We don’t have any goldfish left, they flew away for winter,

No matter yet! What will you get?

A plastic Spongebob figure!

The ringmaster’s a disaster, he’s drinking on the job

Last night he burnt his tent down; left a chip pan on the hob

But we love him; he gives us gin

The alcoholic slob.

Send in the clowns! They’ve come right down to spread the laughter for us

They tumble and they jest around, they flop in silly chorus

But wake up – that ain’t make up

It’s a contagious illness

Our conjuror’s gone to hospital; he’s under the weather

He cut himself in half but forgot to put himself together

The magic turned out tragic

He’s in pieces, the poor beggar.

Now if you dare, and like a scare, there’s the haunted house of hell

Where skeletons and vampires play; there is an awful smell

Can you enter this dark tent, where

Terrors tend to dwell?

The human cannonball’s on soon; he’s ready packed to go

So take this chance to catch his act, he’s leaving tomorrow.

He says he’s tired of getting fired

Each and every show.

And last of all, the greatest act we bring to you with glee;

The lycra-clad Vertigo Lad who balances with ease:

Ladies and gents, the show presents

The world’s lowest trapeze!

So roll up, roll up, boys and girls, ladies, gents and undecided

We’re only here for eight more months! The shortest we’ve resided!

It’s Billy Bubblebath’s new show! It’s really rather good, you know!

Well. That’s what we’ve decided.