Monday, 20 October 2014

I moved back to Bangor 15 months ago and spent some time writing down some moidering I have heard, mostly on buses from town to Coed Mawr

I don’t care yeh –caws a nionyn –Na dwi dim eisiau fo! I’m just trying to have a laff with you now before I go to prison and you’re trying to make me eat cheese

-iawn lads –alright you misfit –seen that prick on Facebook –yeh that banter page or whatever it’s called –he just slags off Bangor City –I reckon it’s Penfold –wouldn’t put it past him –small man syndrome aye, got a chip on his shoulder the midget tranny prick –I know you are

-how do you feel? –like I’m going to go to prison yeh. When we get to Caernarfon I’m going to go to the court and show I’m there then come back at 2pm so we can have a bit of a laff yeh.

-you were on one last night lad. Do you remember? You moidered that Tracey’s ears off. –Tracey? –yeh, Tracey Tits. And she’s the biggest moiderer of the lot. –ah yeah she gave me a hell of a row. –that’s cause you were staring at them. Fair play, they are fucking massive. –not my fault is it, I never grew em.

-That stinks –Wasn’t me. Mine don’t smell. –It’s absolutely minging. A, a, symphony of ming. You minger.

-How does it follow that I wouldn’t know where they were yeah? I jamp and legged it. Then in the morning there were six coppers there.

-What it is yeah, I heard a rumour that your ferry was fu… that your ferry wasn’t working.

-What are you doing you now yeh no. –I need something to eat yeh. You had my cheese already yeh. –You said you never wanted it. –Yeh I didn’t then yeh but now I’m hungry yeh, you know I’m hungry cause you had it. –Caws a nionyn. –I don’t care, you better buy me another one the same, with ham yeh.

-It’s ace when people get off the bus yeh, there’s loads more room. –Menai Bridge Fair tomorrow. –What’s the scariest ride you’ve been on? Mine’s the red ladybirds. Only joking, it’s the kids’ tea cups –I don’t know why they don’t just do it in half term. –I went on one, a massive one, and I had to take my shoes off and grip this bar thing really tight. I was sick everywhere. –Ugh, Abdul J Bechod. –What does bechod mean, is it the same as bless. –Sort of, ‘ahhhhh slyyy’ –I hope my mum gives me the money. I’m gonna go tomorrow. Staying in Llanddona. –Llandonna kebab.

-I’ll ring this girl now. Hiya I’m on the bus now going home OK. You what. That’s right yeah. OK doll. Yeah I forgot about that. We’ll do it again, tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah, OK Doll. Tadra.
Ryan’s got swimming. I forgot. She rang too late. She’s coming up tomorrow. Ring after work tomorrow rwan.
-It’s gonna rain now.
-Looks like it yeh.
-Those potatoes are nice yeh. I was watching them in front in case there was a bad one but they’re lovely. –lovely yeah.
-She says they don’t do lunch. They’re always sitting down drinking and watching.
-I think she lives with her mother now. Two boys.

-You’ve got a very neutral accent.
-Yeah, I’m half-Welsh, half Scottish, half Irish and… part English.
-Do you speak Welsh?
-No, but my sister does. Fluently.

There was this woman in the paper. What did she do now?... …Beans!... She just started eating beans. Lots loaaaads of weight… …wouldn’t want to do that myself. Just beans, yeah. Proper Heinz beans. She should have got shares in Heinz… Not sure what she did for breakfast  but just beans for dinner and her tea. She cooked her family proper food but she’d just have a plate of beans… …me, I’d want toast or cheese for a bit of flavour yeah but all she did was eat beans for 12 months.

-Hiya, ti’n o lew?

-wus this un th un we got th other de?
-thnk sur, hafta check bus tickets, yeh
-when I cum bak there wus six of thum all outside, stood

-We’re gonna get back to you quite literally as college finishes.

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