Roll up! Roll up! Each night at noon the circus
is in town
With marvels strange and wonderful; the sawdust’s
on the ground
It’s Billy Bubblebath’s new show! It’s really
rather good, you know
So gather all around
We’ve Danny Spesh, from Marrakesh, a juggler so
great
That he can use but motes of dust! Come on and
celebrate!
His microscopic juggling is wonderful and
puzzling
So don’t you dare be late
Next on the bill is Degsie Dill, from way up in
the north
We’ve measured him a hundred times and now we’re
pretty sure:
Up from the floor, at six foot four
He’s Britain’s tallest dwarf
The strongman and the bearded lady had a secret
scam
A tryst, romantic, torrid, sexy, in a caravan;
Nine months have passed, and here at last’s
The UK’s youngest man
We used to have some elephants, but no-one’s
seen them lately
A small guy came, inspected them, and shook his
head most gravely.
With pointy ears, we’re sure, we fear
He was from elf and safety
The acrobats have lost their hats; they won’t
be on tonight
It’s such a shame; it’s not the same without
that precious sight
But that’s the show; you never know
What happens night to night
So why not try the coconut shy, where everyone’s
a winner
And every fallen nut’s a prize to take home for
your dinner
Quickly, kids! A ball, two quid!
Or four balls for a tenner!
Or try your luck on hook a duck, a brilliant
money-spinner;
We don’t have any goldfish left, they flew away
for winter,
No matter yet! What will you get?
A plastic Spongebob figure!
The ringmaster’s a disaster, he’s drinking on
the job
Last night he burnt his tent down; left a chip
pan on the hob
But we love him; he gives us gin
The alcoholic slob.
Send in the clowns! They’ve come right down to
spread the laughter for us
They tumble and they jest around, they flop in silly chorus
But wake up – that ain’t make up
It’s a contagious illness
Our conjuror’s gone to hospital; he’s under the
weather
He cut himself in half but forgot to put
himself together
The magic turned out tragic
He’s in pieces, the poor beggar.
Now if you dare, and like a scare, there’s the
haunted house of hell
Where skeletons and vampires play; there is an
awful smell
Can you enter this dark tent, where
Terrors tend to dwell?
The human cannonball’s on soon; he’s ready packed
to go
So take this chance to catch his act, he’s
leaving tomorrow.
He says he’s tired of getting fired
Each and every show.
And last of all, the greatest act we bring to
you with glee;
The lycra-clad Vertigo Lad who balances with
ease:
Ladies and gents, the show presents
The world’s lowest trapeze!
So roll up, roll up, boys and girls, ladies,
gents and undecided
We’re only here for eight more months! The
shortest we’ve resided!
It’s Billy Bubblebath’s new show! It’s really
rather good, you know!
Well. That’s what we’ve decided.
