Pumpernickel Fuckface, FBI

Pumpernickel Fuckface, FBI

Loved to be a cop, and he loved to get high

Tried to be the best that he could be

For his Commander, Pickles McGhee.

Pickles was the sharpest shot you would see

Lock and load and fire so effortlessly.

Wow, Pumpernickle Fuckface - FBI

 

Pumpernickel Fuckface, FBI

Mosied down to Evidence Locker Five

Checked out a bunch of coke and crystal meth

Insuffulated madly right at his desk

His heart beat louder than the loudest drum

Firecrackers, fizzes, frazzles and thrum

In Pumpernickle Fuckface - FBI

 

Pumpernickel felt the power inside

Sloshing and a-rumbling like a raw riptide

His brain was whizzing, faster than a gadfly

His skin on fire, and with blood in his eyes

He felt his guts lurch insufferably

Cause something deep inside wanted to be free

From Pumpernickel Fuckface - FBI

 

He got up from his desk, it was midnight at least

And burst into the office of the Chief of Police

He thrust down his old badge on the Commander’s desk

And said: “I don’t need nothing anymore from this dreck,

I ain’t gonna be no bully-boy’s slave

I ain’t throwing no more protesters in jail,

I’m Pumpernickel Justice - Hear my cry.”

 

Pickles looked at Pumpernickel nonchalantly,

Shook his head, and with a shrug said, “That’s as may be,

You’ve been a good cop, now just pass me your gun,

Your time as FBI’s star agent is done,”

So Pumpernickel disarmed himself once more

And was shot to death before he hit the floor

Oh Pumpernickel Fuckface - Why oh Why

 

Lieutenant Commander Pickles ‘Sniper’ McGhee

Sighed and started on the paperwork: “He’d

Drawn his gun on me right out of the blue,

And there was nothing else for me to do.”

Pickles knew there was no chance he’d get caught:

Exonerated by the toxicology report

On Pumpernickel Fuckface - FBI.