Whoops Oedipocalypse

Oedipus Rex

Whipped off his kecks

And plopped the thing between his legs

Into his wife,

Which they both liked

So they did it night after night.

He was the king;

He beat the sphinx.

He solved the riddle she’d asked him:

Once voice, one life

But who at times

Has four, then two, then three feet nigh?

Oedy-lad

Knew it was man

And smugly gave his answer back.

He was correct.

And off he went

To marry Queen Jocasta next.

The couple did

What couples did

As then, as now: they had four kids.

They all survived

As Thebes thrived

Until plague struck the city’s lives.

The Oracle

At Delphi knew

How to hold off the city’s doom.

King Laius lost,

His killer must

Be brought to justice. Oedipus

Sought counsel through

A prophet, who

Let slip that Laius, in his tomb,

Lay dead because

Out in the dust

Our Oedipus had bashed him up.

It came out that

He’d killed his dad.

He didn’t know, because he had

Been stitched up:

Been brought up

By Polybus and not killed off

Which was the plan.

But a herdsman

Had saved the baby way back. And

Jocasta cried.

Jocasta died.

And Oedi poked out his own eyes.

Oedipus Rex

From birth was hexed.

His life laid out, his future wrecked.

Was he to blame?

Could he have changed

The world once things were put in place?

Laius was

A filthy sod

Who’d cut holes in his little lad

Just cause some fool

Had said: Whoa, dude,

This baby’s gonna, like, kill you

Justice was served:

Laius deserved

All that befell him, all we’ve heard.

A twisted tale

Of love that failed

Of death and weirdness, lives curtailed.

Oedipus Rex

Took off his kecks

And put the thing between his legs

Into another,

And discovered

He was a fucking motherfucker.

Moral: If a weird dude tells you that your newly-born son is going to one day kill you, don’t leave him out on a mountain where anyone could find him. In fact, tell the weird dude to piss off and bring the kid up yourself so he knows right from wrong. Jesus, I mean. Come on.