AMWAT Wk7: Roofs and bins

I live a few doors down from a roofer. He's a good lad, and fixed some flashing for us in a massive rainstorm once. It's a very neat job, too.

At the moment he and colleagues are busily restoring an entire roof for him and his neighbour. So I keep thinking someone's knocking at the door, when actually it's the sound of them hammering. They're fixing it properly, so that when it does piss it down - which is inevitable in the UK - the house won't get wrecked and flooded and fucked and be useless and not fit for purpose and condemned and all that.

Fix the roof when the weather's good. It's an old saying isn't it. And, well, you can't argue can ya.

Every Monday is bin day round here; it alternates between the less-popular Brown Bin, which is for garden stuff, and Grey Bin, which is household waste. Recycling is also the same week as Grey Bin. So every Sunday evening I do the bins, cos it's my job to do the bins whilst the First Mrs Shoo watches Strictly on Ice or whatever fucking rubbish is on. I don't mind really. It is a bit of a smelly job, but it needs to be done. (And that's just watching X-Fuckers LOLOL*)

I think the evening's the right time to do bins, personally. If it's out all day it will stink and make the street look rubbish and attract pests and bits of errant Aldi's Finest Sausage Roll packaging will dance devilsong down the street on the rampaging wings of a mutinous breeze.**

Not everyone thinks like I do.

Next door likes to do the bins soon as they get up on a Sunday, and thus they have a very, very good chance of Winning Bin***. They're usually in the top three on the street, anyway. There's another house quite near the top of the road that is always well early, too. It's a fascinating battle that I observe on my travels to and from town to wander about looking for weird kitchen gadgets in charity shops.

But because the roofers have had to access the back and front of the house, seems to me that they've had to move the bins out the way. So, yesterday - Saturday - at about 2pm, when me and The First Wife went for a promenade to Aldi to seek out 50% offers on rapidly-wilting spinach, we noticed that magic had happened.

There was a single Grey Bin out.

Plus associated recycling boxes.

The roofers had Won Bin - and won it by quite some stretch. So, as they'd started at about 9am, I calculate that the bin was out about 48 hours before it was to be collected. That's some impressive Bin Winning isn't it?

It's kind of how it feels these days to look for my former team's results on Twitter. They went 2-0 up then let in two quick goals. Extra time saw them win a crappy league cup game 4-2 against another crappy side who we used to play in a higher league that we got kicked out of because the roof fell in.

___

* This is a brilliant joke, fuck off.
** Proper writing here.
*** Grey Bin is the prize really. Winning Brown Bin doesn't mean all that much. Not everyone joins in with Brown Bin every two weeks. It's very mulch-dependent, is Brown Bin. One for the connosieurs. Maybe the futsal version compared to the 11-a-side Cup Game that is Grey Bin.