So I thought I'd piss all over that heritage by updating the lyrics, as below. I forgot I'd done this until today. It's from Oct, 2017. A different world entirely. So before it's totally out of date here we are.
Tatty bye.
The Return of the International Hitman (2017)
Well
Make way
For the return of the International Hitman
Pay me in Bitcoin
On the Dark Web
I don’t care to know who you are
And you don’t wanna know me
Believe me
But I know you missed me
Yeah when the coin hits the wallet
You bought yourself a bullet
To do with as you please
I told you
Good and bad are just a blur
And aren’t you tired
Of the shit that still occurs
Around you?
I got conflicting jobs on here
To knock down the missile man in North Korea
Well he’s chubby and he’s goddamn weird
But he pays on time so I don’t need
To cut him off any time near
And he’s put one on the list himself
An orange motherfucker with demented mental health
It will be my pleasure to make that monster melt
He owes me bigly, boy. He’ll pay up first then fall down flat
That ain’t fake news
There won’t be any wall-building on the Rio Grande for that bad
hombre
And do you think supplied the polonium to Putin?
He don’t need no motherfuckers disputin
Crooked to the bone, but straight-up shootin
Ain’t his style. It just don’t suit him.
Vlad ain’t so bad
Always got a rouble or three for a jobbing cleaner just like
me
I’m the most honestest man you never never met
No matter who you vote for, you’re still at best their pet
You know by now they’re all just out to feather their own
nest
There’s nothing to regret: you don’t take it, you won’t get
Politics? Showbiz? The same to me
25 years on and nothing’s changed
It’s eyes wide shut at Bildeberg
It’s eyes wide shut at Bildeberg
So seek me out and I’ll make it all burn
One by one
All the little scientists and refugees
But you’ll be runnin soon enough
Watch whose shoes you’re walkin in
You think you’re so different and special?
Just cause you’re born out of poverty
Clothed and fed and educated?
Boy, you don’t get no medal
For an accident of birth
I told you you don’t wanna know me
I am the darkness, I am the ghost in the cellar
Of your foulest nightmares
Your conscientious career-building is meaningless
You ain’t gonna outlive yourself
Think about it
These days I’m getting a lot of calls
From those who can’t bear to be.
Who can’t afford to see
Dignitas and go out gracefully
More and more are begging me
“Oh put a bullet in my motherfuckin head
Please, oh please, oh please.”
I don’t care for snivellers
Unless they cross my palm with silver
They can’t live in this world anymore
Ah but I’m too busy
Leaving fake reviews on Amazon paintings of
Paul Ross
I’m setting out the lyrics for the latest iteration
Of the International Hitman
You never met anyone colder
A quarter of a century older
No wiser, but much richer
Invested in fracking technology sister
Bought up Russian fuel companies cheap
Laundered it through football teams
That player you cheer? I own him
That replica shirt? Made from my petroleum
Kids in my Far East sweat shops stitched it for you
They work all night for scraps of food
And the best bit?
You know this.
And you’re still saving for next season’s brand new third
kit
You want a CV? Check my LinkedIn baby
Send me a friend request. I don’t bite
Full list of past successes outlined on my site
Hey, get in touch: What’sApp me if you like
Check Instagram for the latest job pics
Check Facebook for my top ten mob hits
And some videos of my kittens high on catnip
I’m online all the time so find me
Or find someone who’s claiming to be me
Hey baby
I just thought
Maybe I’m Banksy
Who knows? Maybe you are too.
Ha!
I collect classic jazz records –
On 78 only -
I ain’t a monster.
You wanna come over for a quinoa burger?
Fully vegan guaranteed.
I stay in shape.
I do a good clean job
With no-one to answer to
A good, clean job
No-one!
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