There’s a dude I know whose only remaining ambition in life is to own the world’s largest collection of pornographic medieval marginalia
Confusing as it may seem I believe in his passion project as one of the final examples of purity in the modern age
He spends much of his time jacking off into ever starchier squares of muslin which he bought once from a Turkish market
He was so proud of his haggling that it was all he could do to keep himself from taking it out and bludgeoning himself to a finish there and then
His name is Nobody and he wants it to be known that he cares not a jot for your contra-indications
No, not a single bileous grunt will bubble up from that fumbly gutbush
He has recourse to a fine line in gibberish and hapful deals it behind the jukebox at the bar downtown
Of course, you enter at your peril as the sneers are quite astronomically griftsome, but Nobody never said that this would be a cakewalk, boy
He keeps it low, lower than you’d imagine: his scene is no example for any upcoming garbler
At one stage he’d considered making it professionally but had to let that go when he was discovered to be as broken as anyone else
More than some, and that was really enough to be said on that one. Yeah, Nobody is a dude I know and he makes it thinking about life in fetters and chains
The more he thinks, the less he does, and the paradox is shamefully brilliant, and beautifully delivered on many a sticky wicket
He ain't beholden to none and that’s why he is who he is
At root it’s only common courtesy after all
So sings the whale in the sea
As if that shit ever helped anyone float
Nobody's mammy has a mantra:
Remember to do your stretches
a groin strain is more debilitating than you think
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