Unexistence

 

Have you ever wanted to unexist?

Don’t get me wrong. This is no suicide note. There will never be one of those.

But yeah. Unexisting. It’s not a real word. Libre Office spellcheck underlines it in red squiggles.

(Libre Office also underlines Libre in red squiggles)

It’s probably not correct to use ‘want’ in this context either.

Perhaps unexistence is more-or-less the absence of wanting, or the wanting of absence, or maybe both.

No, none of that seems to sit right. It’s a splodgy old concept. Sort of impossible to define.

I suppose the splodges and the squiggles prove something-or-other, don’t they?

Not existing is not the same as leaving existence is it.

The two are not compatible at all. There is an infinity of nonexistence, because more things have not existed than have.

Except that’s wrong, too, isn’t it. A thing is not a thing if it has never existed.

So there can be no sadness there either.

But, today, just for a blip.

Just for one eternal millisecond, I would like to try it. To unexist.

Not to see what things would have been like. I don’t care about that. It’s a fool’s dream, as is life.

I would like to know what it’s like not to exist. And that’s the paradox isn’t it. Fucking Descartes.