Santa. You Bastard

Click here to watch me try and channel the Undertones.

And another year’s whizzed right past

With some love and some fire and some pain

I’ve just got one thing to ask:

Can you please stop taking my friends away?

 

But you won’t

Cause you’re a bastard

Santa you bastard  x 3

 

Do you remember that year

I asked for help to get a better body

You gave me a voucher

For a gym pass doing weights with Purple Aki

 

I’m still waiting for my BMX

And you never brought me one

What happened to my action man

With eagle-eye action

 

Was it really so hard

To being me a ZX Spectrum?

Or a small Scalextric set

Everyone else had one

 

But you didn’t

No you didn’t

Cause you’re a bastard

Santa you bastard x 3

 

Too busy in the sweatshop

Working them elves to death

No wonder Rudolph’s nose is red

You’ve punched him til it bled

So fuck you and your sled

 

Not a hint of SNES

Atari, Sega Saturn

Not even a speak and spell

Let alone Playstation

 

I’m ancient now but still the same

So listen to me, fat man

Do your job for once, OK?

And make me into Batman

 

You bastard

You bastard

You bastard

Get bent

 

This year I want

One more poker game

One more smoky whisky

One more cake made for me

One kebab from Ali

One more drumroll four bars long

One more happy bassline

One more Tony Blackburn song

Bring them all back one last time

Bring them all back one last time

You bastard

You bastard

You fat judgemental cunt.