1.
There was a seer and his
name was called DD.
2.
DD went unto the Camp of
the Romans.
3.
He climbed to the summit
thereof.
4.
He turned his head and
could see the straits of Menai.
5.
Beyond that was the island
of Mona,
6.
Where lived the Druids.
7.
And beyond that was the sea
of Eire.
8.
He turned his head once
more.
9.
And he saw the city,
10.
The castle of Pen-Rhyn,
11.
The mountain of Bangor,
12.
The distant land of
Penmaenmawr,
13.
Beyond that Llandudno
14.
Where the Tory People
lived.
15.
He saw the snow-capped
mountains
16.
And he addressed it all.
17.
He said:
18.
“Behold, ye who seek the
ways of the Lord,
19.
Ye who seek to understand
thy Lord,
20.
And that bloke over there
with the Border Collie sniffing a tree root.
21.
Note well the path of the
Lord.
22.
Look at his footsteps
23.
And the places he hath
trod.
24.
Behind him is there tumult?
25.
Hath he set fires amongst
the unworthy?
26.
E’en now are there teams of
paramedics
27.
And fire marshalls trying
to clear up his mess?
28.
Hath he been smiting again?
29.
I say unto thee:
30.
This is not metaphor by the
way,
31.
He really is a bit of a sod
sometimes
32.
When he doesn’t get his own
way.
33.
This is the path of the
Lord.”
34.
The seer whose name was
called DD continued
35.
To address the city
36.
The castle
37.
The mountain
38.
The distant land
39.
The Tory People
40.
And the bloke with the dog
41.
Which now was having a
dump.
42.
He said:
43.
“Note too the future path
of the Lord.
44.
Doth he have followers
already ahead
45.
Preparing his bread and
meat to eat
46.
And wine to drink?
47.
Or is the Lord on one of
his fads
48.
And has decided that meat
is somehow ungodly
49.
And all who eat thereof
will be burnt
50.
Or some other kind of odd
punishment?
51.
Doth his followers now
prepare
52.
Strange sausages
53.
From the land of Quorn?
54.
This is the future path of
the Lord.”
55.
DD continued to testify
56.
To the city
57.
The castle
58.
And all that.
59.
He said:
60.
“Is the Lord in chariot?
61.
Has his chariot caused a
tailback
62.
From the traffic lights
63.
By Lidl
64.
E’en unto the ill-advised
65.
Asda, which was built
66.
On the holiest of grounds?
67.
Doth Asda not have the
worst roundabout
68.
Thee hast ever seen?
69.
Truly this is a disaster
70.
Waiting to happen.
71.
This is the roundabout of
the devil.”
72.
DD addressed the city
73.
And the yadda yadda yadda.
74.
He said:
75.
“Look ye carefully at the
shadow
76.
Of the Lord
77.
For therein walk the evil.
78.
By their closeness to the
Lord
79.
They will claim authority
80.
To make laws
81.
To conquest
82.
They will claim to speak
83.
For the Lord
84.
In all things.
85.
And yet because they are in
his shadow
86.
He cannot see them to
condemn
87.
Or to condone.
88.
These people are truly the
worst
89.
Of the lot,
90.
Which takes some doing
91.
But there you go.
92.
Believe not these people
93.
Their rituals
94.
Their cross-dressing
95.
And for some reason
celibate
96.
Leaders.
97.
They speak not for the Lord
98.
But for themselves.
99.
The problem is that the
Lord
100.
Seems to be a bit shy
101.
And doesn’t say much
102.
Which is a bit of a pain
103.
And causes a few problems.
104.
This is the way of the
Lord.”
105.
And then the bloke
106.
Whose dog was now chasing
107.
Some kind of invisible
rabbit
108.
Spake unto DD.
109.
He said:
110.
“Stranger, I mark thy
words.
111.
But why should we trust
thee?
112.
Where is the Lord of which
you speak?
113.
Are we not all in his
shadow?
114.
You know,
115.
Metaphorically-speaking.
116.
Were you talking literally
117.
Or not?
118.
Seriously mate, I’m not
having a pop
119.
But it’s only going to
muddy the waters
120.
Innit?”
121.
But DD did not answer
122.
For it had started to spit
a bit
123.
With rain
124.
And e’en at that time he
had found sanctuary
125.
At the Inn of the Beautiful
View
126.
And was drinking the wine
thereof
127.
Which was called Rioja Reserva.
