We Cancel U

 

Desperate for attention?

Spouse left you?

Got a new book coming out?

But nobody’s listening…

Give us a call at WE CANCEL U

Our team of trained advisors can help you get so cancelled that everyone knows about your odd little self-obsessions – and you’ll never trend higher on social media!

We can:

·         Shitpost on subjects you have no idea about

·         Help you target individuals for weird Twitter spats

·         Spread rumours about how you are not being allowed to speak freely

·         Lose you work and replace it with higher-paid national newspaper columns complaining about being de-platformed

But don’t take our word for it… speak to our customers!

 

“I was just a multi-millionaire author fed up with not being in the headlines, until WE CANCEL U helped me post transphobic nonsense online. My mentions have soared 3000% on Twitter since!”
- JKR, London

“My book about woke snowflake libtards was about to come out without any fanfare. Thank God (who is white and male) for WE CANCEL U – a few Islamophobic tweets later and I’ve not just lost one book contract but been all over the press again like I used to be when I was pretending to be a punk. It’s a miracle!”
- JB, NME

“I was down in the dumps after my wife left me and my music career stalled. One session with WE CANCEL U and not only has my agent also dumped me and my acting career tanked, but I’ve got my very own stupid little No Homers Club where I lie about having six friends round for tea. THANK YOU!”
-LF, Dingle

“People saw me as a middle-class columnist in a middling centre-left newspaper and I was sick of it. I rang WE CANCEL U and two weeks later I’ve been sacked from my cushy job after my colleagues signed an open letter protesting one of my middling columns. Now I’ve got nowhere to spout my borderline views, aside from in the Daily Mail, Telegraph, and Stormfront.”
-SM, Gagaland

“I left comedy behind to become a full-time gender critical weirdo, and I’ve never felt better!”
-GL, Craggy Island

Don’t delay – call us today!

WE CANCEL U bears no responsibility for non-cancellation and are not liable for any subsequent generation of far-right followers on social media. Results may vary. Side effects may include going on Loose Women, being friends with Piers Morgan or boils. Use at your own risk.