Donald J. Trump’s BUSINESS AWESOME

HOWDY FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Donald here to talk some sense into the conversations. We gotta find out what the hell is going on with the Musclims and the Mexicans! This is the United Streets of America and I didn’t make it to where I was by accident! What are you, stupid? I built my Trump Towers from the streets up with just a few million pounds in my pocket from my father. Don’t worry, though, you ain’t gonna get fired – unless you are one of those terrorwrists coming for our guns. Yeah, watch out Obama and your Kenyan African commies! Donalds J. Trumps is here to share his tips on how to get to the top! No hand-outs, just hand-ins! Here’s my Business Awesome. That’ll be twenty dollars you dumb fuck.

1. Be The Prize

You wanna get to the top? Huh? ‘Want’ ain’t gonna cut it, bozo. You need to be the top! Be the prize, don’t want the prize! Change your habits! It ain’t enough to want the pizza, you need to be the pizza! Put tomato sauce on your face and stuff cheese in your ears! Now you know what it feels like to be a pizza! Feel the prize! Be The Prize!

2. Involve off a LION

Scienceists say that men involved off a Monkey? What? Sure buddy, you sit around all day pulling off your dick an throwing your shit at tourists! You deserve to be in a zoo! I tell ya! Who do you think you are? Zebedee Q. Hackysack? Yeah, sure. Listen up: I tell you Don’t Involve Off A Monkey, Involve Off A LION! Look at a mirror an you’ll see you can involve off a Lion too. That ain’t hair, what you seein is your main! Open your mouth! That’s Lion Teeths! You can see your Lion imerge! You are the King of the Jungel! And what do Lions do? That’s right, they BARK!

3. Thinking is for PUSSIES

These are beyond doubt the world’s great business mens: Lord Alan Sugars. Donald Jarvis Trumps. Richard Branstons. Ian Beales. But do you think they wasted time THINKING? No way!!! They went out and grabbed it! Don’t think, do it! Just grab it! Do it now! NOW! Say it! Thinking Is For PUSSIES! Do it! Grab It! It doesn’t matter what it is! It’s yours! Get it! RUN! FASTER! TAKE IT! NOW! NOW IS TOO LATE!!!

4. There is no such word as NO

Say it! No! What am I saying to you!? No! That ain’t the Donald way? You are right! Say No! One Last Time. That’s the last time you’ll hear it! Positivenessity is the only word you need! I can show you how to reprogram your inner negativer into a positiver! There Is No Such Word As NO In Business! Believe it! Do it!

5. Look at the sun

Never mind Mars, Bluto or Venice! The Sun is the best planet in the sky! You wanna know why? When the sun comes out what happens? That’s right, people put on their shades!  And shades are cool! So the sun makes everyone cooler! Look at it! Look At The Sun! Right at it, yeah! Be the sun! Make everyone cooler! This is the way to success! Stare at it! Harder! HARDER!

6. Cook off gas

Smart cooks spoil no moss! That’s what the saying says! But I say you gotta be DUMB to cook off your own gas! Cook off someone else’s gas! Then they pay for it, dummy! Yeah! Gas don’t grow in no tree, you get me?

7. Expandiate yourself

Nobody ever got nowhere without no expandiations of business awesome! You wanna be as big as me? Eat, eat, eat! Then you got all the food! And food is money, remember! Chomp it down. Faster! Do you want the other guy to eat your money? No? Don’t be a sucker! Be a eater! EAT IT! FUCKING EAT IT NOW!

8. Become the game

Don’t forget: the concept of money is predicated on a deferred reward system in which goods or services are not exchanged in kind, but rather tokens are used as a shared system of perceived worth, to be used at a future date in return for other services and goods! And when this system of tokens is dislocated from any tangible shared concept of worth it is merely a lie and therefore inherently unstable! You betcha!

More BUSINESS AWESOME next week!!!!!!!!