They said it shouldn’t be done… but we have! We removed the
alcohol and retained the insanity.
Pissed-up Enterprises proudly present:
Non-alcoholic Frosty Jack
0.0% alcohol, 100% loopy juice
All your favourite effects of Frosty’s but you’ll still pass the
breathalyser test:
* Instant nausea on opening the bottle – will you even keep this
one down?
* Bright-red cheeks and neck guaranteed
* Eyes floating in a miasmic perturbation of their own – see
double for the price of a single!
* Violently incoherent after half a pint – it’s the Real
THING!
* Battered in an alleyway after getting too lippy with the bouncers –
the bastards!
* Ructions with rozzers – steal a tit-hat and let’s play
chase!
* Great chance of pissing and shitting yourself in a haberdashery’s
porch, comatose at 3am
* Stabbing pains in the side as your liver cries out in pain – talk
about bang for a buck!
But that’s not all – the next day you’ll still be enjoying the
unique Frosty’s aftermath, including:
* Waking up clutching the toilet like it’s the fucking holy grail –
but there’s puke all over the bath anyway
* No clues as to what the hell you did last night – let alone where
is your other shoe
* Paranoia and intense self-loathing – Christ on a bike, never
again! But you know you will!
* Splitting headache and churning nausea – just like the
full-fat version!
* Not that you want to open
your eyes, but it sounds very much like there’s a duck in the
bathroom – and you somehow are responsible!
* Half a kebab in your pocket – where did that come from? You’ll
never know! And whose coat are
you wearing anyway?
* Oh shit – it’s a mirror!
Someone’s written ‘CUNT’ on your forehead in Sharpie
– backwards! It’s gonna hurt to scrub that off!
* A stranger snoring in the corner
of your living room – who the fuck is that? And what is
that stench??
* Never mind the current time
– you’ll not even know what fucking day
it is, only that all is pain!
__
Frosty Jack 0.0% - None of the
alcohol, all of the fun.
At a wallet-friendly £1 a litre,
can you afford not to?
“It’s a b-b-bleurgh, oh
god, sorr-bleurgh, oh god oh no oh no” – Mrs. B, Essex
“It is, and possibly is not,
a boon, or dangerous, depending what Farage says” – K. Starmer,
London
Collect tokens for the limited
edition beanie cap and sickbag combo and be the envy of your mates.
Small print: Pissed-up Enterprises does not advocate the
consumption of Frosty’s 0.0% in any form now or in the future, and
this advertisement is for entertainment only. The advertiser is not
responsible for any ill-effects from misuse of Frosty’s 0.0%, which
is sold for research purposes and as a room aroma diffuser only.
P-U-E accepts no liability for customer misuse, including descent
into trampism, ‘falling down the station stairs’, and/or 2am
using the hair clippers to skinhead yourself. You’re on your own
with this one, folks.
