Where and what are you now?

Where are you now? I asked.

El Ollin, he said. And stop hugging me ffs.

And we laughed.

El Ollin? Was it? I asked.

Alaline, he said. Seriously, I’m trying to do my shopping.

(seemed we were in Tesco)

I demurred and thought of Estonia. Estonia? Why?

The morning came and I saw what I’d written.

Several variations:

El Ollin.

Allaine.

Alaline.

And this is what I found online:

El Ollin: an ancient Mexican symbol to represent a God without naming or drawing him. The four suns of humanity’s failure. We are the fifth: the middle of the ollin. It’s a kind of yin/yang analogue.

Allaine: a mountain also known as Gara Ti Bou Kalline, in Morocco. There’s not much there. It’s very hot.

Alaline: adj, Estonian. 1. Permanent.

If there’s one thing I think the last year has taught me it’s that I understand why religion can bring solace, meaning, comfort. Even if you don’t believe a word of it. It still works, perversely.

(By the way: "Permanent."

That’s a horrible word isn’t it.)